Kathy stopped breathing at about 8:26 PM and her heart stopped at 8:31 PM on December 25, 2013. Jim, Paula, Efrem, Marit, Joey, and myself were there.We sang the Song of the Vajra multiple times as well as the Six Spaces and Vajrasattva. As breathing stopped we sounded A many times and sang the Song. Love, Gerry (Steinberg)
Kathy McGrane as many of you know, was a long time practitioner in the lineage of Chogyal Namkhai Norbu since 1982. For decades she was an active participant in the lives of Tsegyalgar East and the Berkeley and New York Lings where she lived at various times. In recent years she moved to be near the Gar following her bout with Leukemia where she served on the red gakyil through Rinpoche's last two retreats here as well as becoming active in local book and theater groups. An intrepid traveller, Kathy spent time in Thailand doing retreat and traveled to Tibet. She was a dedicated practitioner and 3rd Level Santi Maha Sangha student. For those of you who knew her, she had a wicked sense of humor permeated by an elegant sensibility. Kathy contributed to many graphic arts publications and community newsletters over the years and was very proud of her artistic newsletters which are bound together in the Tsegyalgar East library. In the Fall of 2013 Kathy attended the Shang Shung Publications Editorial Training in Merigar with support from the Teachers Training Fund at Tsegyalgar East.
In my own experience, Kathy had an innate Irish gift for language which often manifested in memorable stories and vivid language. Two stories stand out in my mind with their hair raising details regarding her trips to Mt. Kailash and another one returning from Merigar to Rome -- ribald tales of braving extreme adversity and obstacles with great belly laughs of humor and wisdom.
Kathy was an excellent practitioner and well loved by many. She often led Shitros for others including Nina Paparazzo which I remember well for her presence. At that time decades ago, I remember telling her I hope she would be there for me. In a way she was as her final transition brought us all together.
May her liberation be swift, her final journey one of great joy. Many thanks to the local practitioners here at Tsegyalgar East who provided support for Kathy's final transition. We are so blessed to have each other.
I will continue to post more information as it becomes available.
[Photo by Jacqueline Gens, 2010]
A Shitro Ganapuja is scheduled for 7:30 PM at the Yellow Schoolhouse in Conway, MA on Friday, December 27, 2013.
Please send your recollections, messages, or photos to jacqueline.gens@gmail.com and I will post here or you can add to the comments section below.
The following was sent from Joan Casey of Bellingham, WA:
I first met Kathy McGrane in 1985 at Vajrapani, a retreat center in California, at a teachilng given by Sogyal Rinpoche. We were both new to the dharma and Kathy was such an avid student. That summer we attended a retreat with Choegyal Namkhai Norbu in the foothills of the Sierra and learned the Song of the Vajra. Later in Santa Cruz we reconnected and sang this for some very senior students and hosts to many new practioners. I was so moved that I can recall those moments now so many years later. Then over the years we practiced many times together when the Bay Area community would meet in each others homes. Kathy lived in Berkeley and often opened her home for all of us. She attended my wedding in 1990 where we again sang the Song of the Vajra. I moved to Bellingham and she to New York and eventually to Conway. When my mother died in January 1993, some of us gathered together at Tsultrims at the Tara Foundation to study the beginnings of Santi Maha Sangha. Kathy led us in the Shitro practice for my mother. She had learned it so well for her own mother. Many of you were there that day. It was magnificent. How could my mother not soar into total enlightenment. I was so grateful. These last years, I have seen Kathy less, only at the occasional retreat at Tsegyalgar. We were vajra sisters, together on the path. I will miss her. I am privileged to do Shitro for her now and so grateful for her friendship and that she was surrounded by her beloved sangha during this time. Thank you all for all you do for all of us.A message from Stephane Scott (Florida):
Many years ago, when I was new to the Dzogchen Community, there was a problem at Tsegyalgar in that Rinpoche was angry with something that had gone on and was not going to come as planned. There was an emergency meeting in which people spoke about the problem and how to fix it.
Kathy, who was on her way shortly to teach somewhere in Asia, spoke and I will never forget the content. She said that her goal was to eventually be able to live in and around Tsegyalgar and to die in and around tsegyalgar with her Vajra brothers and sisters. Her concern was we needed to fix the problem quickly and keep our samaya with the Master or there may be no more Tsegyalgar. I thought then what a wonderful and smart goal to have - to be able to live close to a gar with Vajra brothers and sisters
Well, many years later she was able to live (and die) with her Vajra brothers and sisters. And in spite of my sadness I am so thrilled that with her determination and perseverance she achieved that goal.
So much thanks to my Vajra brothers and sisters that were able to physically be there for her when she died and to help her with her journey.
Much love,Stephanie
[photo from the internet]
From Kathy Smith (Tsegyalgar East) :
I remember Kathy's great self confidence. The kind that looks you in the eye and says exactly what she's thinking. Yet, both articulate and graceful. Many thanks to all at the hospital, giving Kathy support for her transitional journey.
May her ride through the Bardo be easy, her next life be a fortunate one and Enlightenment be close at hand-- Kathy Smith
From Pamela Crawford:
You know how some people you don't have to spend a lot of time with but their effect on you is profound? Kathy flitted across the screen of my mind for several days around Christmas, thenI learned on Dec. 26th she had passed.
There was a party in Berkeley after a wild retreat in the Sierras, around 1985. Everyone was milling about, having a good time, noisily drinking, but Kathy was sitting quietly in a chair across from Norbu Rinpoche, almost in the dark, tears streaming down her face…. the power transference was palpable. When she got up she said she'd found her teacher. Never the same thereafter.
I remember verbatim things she said to me in my kitchen, while walking or driving around Berkeley, and in the presence of my mother who was declining. She observed carefully. Was a wise woman. Kathy was critical but her advice was solid. She had a mind like a steel trap, the Irish sense of humor and gift of the blarney, abraded and filed down by close relationships.
She took great care to be equitable in speech, even when irascible. She'd tell stories worthy of the New Yorker, of a book or three, and I repeatedly asked her to write, and even go to writing school, but when she was turned down by her main choice, she gave up abruptly and turned to art.
It's hard being a big, smart woman with insight. There was such vulnerable softness inside that sharp mind. Her powerful presence took up a lot of space and maybe it ricochet'ed back, forcing an almost over developed sense of probity.
Last time I saw her on the West Coast she described her long trip to hell and back with Leukemia, and credited her health (which was good then) unequivocally to practice with fellow Sangha members, her relationship to the practice and her teacher.
What a marvel. I miss her. Bon Voyage, Kathy, on your greatest adventure and journey yet! Godspeed.
[Photo by jacqueline Gens of Kathy McGrane at my house for lunch in Conway on one of her trips to Tsegyalgar looking for an apartment around 2010]
[Photo by jgens of Tsegyalgar East shrine during Kathy's Shitro]
From Lauri Marder, Shelburne Falls, MA
I especially remember the time we wanted to do a smoke purification ritual at the ling in NY, and some people were concerned that it was not a good idea because of the smoke detectors. She and I and some others got together on a Saturday and did the practice together anyway, and totally filled the entire building with smoke- and luckily there were no smoke detectors after all anywhere in the building! People we met going down in the elevator from the top floors were asking about the strong scent of juniper and cedar smoke. It was really a great experience; I had no doubt after that that of the strength in her practice
Kathy was loved and appreciated by many people all over the world for her qualities, which those who have written so far on the blog have described so well. Someone told me that they always thought of her as "the one with the beautiful hair"- and there was that too. I guess what I will miss is her steadiness in presence and participation- she knew where her heart was and she had no doubts. When she moved up to Tsegyalgar, which I also was considering making my home again, I found it really encouraging that she wanted to be here. She came after her successful cancer treatment, frail but determined, and no matter how difficult things were, she seemed to like being here. She offered a lot to the community- in fact, she offered everything she had. There was a clarity in her perspective that was a precious quality. I enjoyed practicing with her.I very much like how Joan and Pamela have described her wit and her strong sense of right action. In fact, in making others aware of her sense of justice or the correct outcome, she sometimes got herself into difficulty. She cared deeply and participated wholeheartedly, and that is what I will remember.
So, as we did our first Xitro for her in Tsegyalgar last night, I am sure others could see her as well in their mind's eye, ramrod straight on her chair. The image of her among us will not fade out of my mind for a long time.
From Barbara Paparazzo (Mexico)
From John La France (New Jersey)
Happy New Year!
I just want to express my deep gratitude to you for the memorial to Kathy on the blog. All the written contributions, taken together, capture the essence of who she is. I personally have felt very deep sadness with a lot of tears at her passing. She generously explained the practices to me as a new student and I was always impressed with her insight about practice and what it meant to be a practitioner. We've lost a part of us.
Love and hugs, JohnFrom Mark Alston Follansbee (Boston)
Kathy and I met in 1982; I was the first person she met in the Dharma. I was doing registration for Lama Gonpo Tseten in Berkeley for a weekend teaching when Kathy came in and we hit it off immediately. Kathy was fierce: a fierce person, fierce woman, fierce practitioner, a fierce friend. She had no room for bullshit and would gladly point mine out to me. Her life changed radically after she got sick with leukemia. (She said she would not have gone through the stem-cell transplant if she had know how horrible the process would be.) I'm remembering watching her at the last two retreats and how much energy it took from her, but she was determined that everything be as perfect as possible for Rinpoche. As complicated as her health made aspects of her life, she was fierce about living and enjoying as much as she could, Her trip this fall to Merigar to become a transcriber was a wonderful adventure that gave her great joy -- she could do karma yoga -- as it also made her very sick.
I was very anxious after Kathy was moved to Springfield Mondaybut have felt a deep peace since her passing that she is not suffering anymore. I am grateful to Paula and Jerry and all of you who could hold her hand during this transition; how fortunate we are to have our Master and each other. Kathy lives on in the love we shared and will not be forgotten. Om Ah Hum.
Local rainbow picture sent by Al Daggett
On behalf of Shang Shung Publications I'd like to pass on to the family and friends of Kathy our heartfelt thanks for her collaboration with SSP through her good skills and generosity. We stand by her in this moment.
Best Wishes,
Shang Shung Publications Team
From Jim Valby
A picture of Kathy circa October 1994 after her SMS Base Exam with Rinpoche
Kathy was a person who instantly and deeply communicated the essence of being connected through a teaching whose realization is that mind becomes heart. Her gift with words and open heart made interactions very memorable. That verbal facility, equanimity,and continual display of presence created a cloak of caring that was an expression of sangha, as I have idealized it.
Our meetings and partings began in the early 80's on the way to the Kunje Gyalpo retreat in Nevada City at Nancy Clemmen's.farm. She was my carpool contact and we drove up and back in her burgundy Datsun wagon. What a fortunate connection! Since I was out of the area for the next 10 or 20 years, she kept me informed and connected to the Berkeley sangha. . Later, when I attended the Kalachakra in New York, Kathy found me a place to stay with a childhood friend that was around the corner from the Guggenheim. At the Tahoe Retreat, she had just returned from Thailand. We often met during the afternoon break and sang the Song of the Vajra together. She expressed my own sentiments by saying that she appreciated that I did not talk immediately afterward. Yes, thank you too, Kathy.
The last time that we were together under the same roof was my first Christmas after my last parent died. I had planned a trip to Mt Shasta alone and arrived in Sacramento with an expired drivers license so that I could not rent a car to get there and the train schedule would not work either. Luckily , a friend in Sacramento was able to pick me up at the car rental and drove me to Berkeley to Jey Clark's apartment, which was always available as a place to crash. I stayed there until my return flight departed. Much to my surprise Kathy was living there and became a fashion advisor, lending me clothes for a party, etc.and it was a great time for us to catch up and be together. She was beginning another stint in the Bay Area, with her amazing ability to land those graphic art positions.
Kathy you were such a breath of fresh air, caring, and link for what was happening in the community. You have left an immense light in your wake. May we all live with the respect that you had for others and with such great enthusiasm for Rinpoche's vision. You had the courage and stayed the course. You had an idea of sangha and you created it. EM A HO.
Great thanks to Gerry, Paula, Jacqueline Gens and all sangha who supported Kathy in the final days and hours and to her loving family who cared for her during her acute illness phase. These are heroic actions and part of her extremely fortunate birth and death.
The last time that we were together under the same roof was my first Christmas after my last parent died. I had planned a trip to Mt Shasta alone and arrived in Sacramento with an expired drivers license so that I could not rent a car to get there and the train schedule would not work either. Luckily , a friend in Sacramento was able to pick me up at the car rental and drove me to Berkeley to Jey Clark's apartment, which was always available as a place to crash. I stayed there until my return flight departed. Much to my surprise Kathy was living there and became a fashion advisor, lending me clothes for a party, etc.and it was a great time for us to catch up and be together. She was beginning another stint in the Bay Area, with her amazing ability to land those graphic art positions.
Kathy you were such a breath of fresh air, caring, and link for what was happening in the community. You have left an immense light in your wake. May we all live with the respect that you had for others and with such great enthusiasm for Rinpoche's vision. You had the courage and stayed the course. You had an idea of sangha and you created it. EM A HO.
Great thanks to Gerry, Paula, Jacqueline Gens and all sangha who supported Kathy in the final days and hours and to her loving family who cared for her during her acute illness phase. These are heroic actions and part of her extremely fortunate birth and death.
Kathy was a good friend, consistently keeping in touch, always wanting to share what was going on with me. Her stories amused and brought me into her larger world. She loved her friends and often described them with delight. I know many of her friends through her tales of them, she was a loving viewer of humanity, not a gossip, an appreciator of many of our sangha's characters.
I admired her adventurous spirit, showing up as an extra in a low budget movie in the midst of her leukemia treatments, with her head in a bandana to cover her bare scalp, shaky, tired, but eyes on fire for life. Nothing could stop her, she was on the Red gagyil even though it would have been easier to just focus on taking care of her numerous health issues. She enjoyed discovering and sharing new authors, never gave up on expanding her skills, even driving this year an hour to Springfield in her old car, with imperfect vision, to learn website design and creation.
Her courage and desire to participate in the world around her will continue to nudge me to extend myself as she did.
From Susan & Joanie Ericson, Connecticut
I admired her adventurous spirit, showing up as an extra in a low budget movie in the midst of her leukemia treatments, with her head in a bandana to cover her bare scalp, shaky, tired, but eyes on fire for life. Nothing could stop her, she was on the Red gagyil even though it would have been easier to just focus on taking care of her numerous health issues. She enjoyed discovering and sharing new authors, never gave up on expanding her skills, even driving this year an hour to Springfield in her old car, with imperfect vision, to learn website design and creation.
Her courage and desire to participate in the world around her will continue to nudge me to extend myself as she did.
From Susan & Joanie Ericson, Connecticut
We'd really like to have our small tribute posted there for Kathy. It's shown below. Will you add it? Please let us know. And thank you so much for everything.
Blessings.
Susan Ericson
Susan Ericson, 61 Lower Church Hill Road, Washington Depot CT 06794
Tel: 860-868-7555
Email: sululu2@gmail.com
Joanie Ericson, El Paso TX
Thanks, Kath, for the laugh and yakka-yakka fests, the many cartoons drawn, meals cooked and clean-ups done, for all the help and support over nearly forty years. Thanks for being so gracious when our resident goat ate your sculpture. Thanks for being the courageous person who traveled the world and brought us stories of other lands and cultures we’d never see first hand. Thanks for the bravery you showed in the wee hours when a loud gruff voice shouting from downstairs in the farmhouse woke some of us up. We crept into your room to warn you of the intrusion and to think of a plan. Without being asked, you shot out of bed and rocketed downstairs to save us all. Fortunately it was the intoxicated elderly father of a friend who just came to visit and who, upon leaving (committing DUI) mowed down our entire flower garden – thankfully the only damage done that night. We latched the screen doors after that. Thank you for allowing, on that warm Spring day, a Decorator Bird to pluck some of the red-gold hairs from your head so that it could build the fanciest nest in the neighborhood.
We drove with Kathy cross country to Berkeley in 1981. There she began her Dzogchen journey. Over the years we admired her devotion to the path and dedication to her practice. And we’re awed by what she told us of the Community, particularly the support and caring showed during the difficult times.
Blessings on you as you travel and learn, Kathleen McGrane. And blessings to all.
We love you, Kath.
