I was lucky to have a sort of predisposition towards spirituality. My grandmother is a practicing Wiccan, so while I was never tremendously close with her, I was spared the religious biases that come with a classic Christian upbringing. While my functionally agnostic parents would drag me along to their twice-a-year church visits, both had dabbled in New Age spiritualism in the 70s and 80s, so terms like “transcendental meditation” were a part of my vernacular from a very young age. My innate hunger for knowledge was both a blessing and a curse growing up. While my friends were playing sports or video games, I spent my free time reading about ancient cultures, alternative religions, and the occult (though I left plenty of room for the works of JRR Tolkien, which heavily influenced my childhood). I knew that I wanted to be religious, but even at 11 years old, continuing life as a Christian required far too much cognitive dissonance for my rational mind. I actually got suspended from my Christian middle school for openly challenging the pastor who taught religion class.
Eventually, when I was around 11 or 12, I stumbled upon a book on Zen and absolutely fell in love with Buddhism. I joined a local Vipassana center and received meditation instructions, but after a year of sitting with them and attending retreats, I still didn’t feel like my craving for religiousness was being satiated. Intrigued by the fantastical esotericism of Tibetan Buddhism, I read a copy of “The Lotus Born,” a namthar of Guru Rinpoche, and I was completely overwhelmed with devotion. I decided that I wanted to be a Nyingmapa, and set out in search of a teacher. I had heard about Tara Mandala and Lama Tsultrim (then just known as Tsultrim), and begged my parents to drive me the 1.5 hours to go make a pilgrimage to the land. They agreed (albeit with no small amount of trepidation), and took me out to the land on a cold October day. We hadn’t called ahead or inquired about appropriate visitor hours, so we aimlessly wandered over to the most inviting of the dozen yurts on the seemingly empty land. Surprisingly, Lama Tsultrim happened to be there. She invited me in, and I proudly told her, “I’m Nyingma!” I was blown away by her, caught up in what I can only imagine is a fairly standard experience when one meets their root guru for the first time. She offered me a copy of “Women of Wisdom,” and told me to come back to receive teachings. If my parents had let me, I would have never left. I read WoW cover-to-cover, and I don’t think I stopped smiling for days. I was enchanted by the stories of Machig Labdrön and Chöd, and felt like I had finally found my spiritual home. Looking back 10 years later, I surely had.
As far as training, I’ve been fortunate to receive many teachings on a wide range of subjects from Lama Tsultrim and other great teachers.The teachings that have been closest to my heart have been on Chöd, and I have been very lucky to be present for the transmission of the Dzinpa Rangdröl (Self-Liberation of Clinging) Terma cycle of Do Khyentse Yeshe Dorje. We just completed our fourth Drupchen (Great Accomplishment Ceremony) in the cycle this August, where I served as a chöppon.
How old are you now and what are your priorities these days?
I am 22 right now. Dharma practice is always my first priority. It’s been a bit of a challenge finding a healthy balance between practice and the “real world,” which left me bouncing around colleges for a couple of years after high school. I’m a trained Musical Theatre performer, but after spending a year at The Boston Conservatory, my acting endeavors felt increasingly devoid of meaning. I went to Naropa University for a year, studying Tibetan language and religious studies, but didn’t feel that academia was the route I wanted to be going down, either. After spending some time re-evaluating my intentions, I stumbled upon SSI’s Tibetan Medicine program, and it has very much lit a fire under me. Now, my sights are entirely focused on becoming a Tibetan Doctor.
What attracted you to the Shang Shung Tibetan Medicine program?
I’ve always had a penchant for helping people, and my mother has always been a bit of an encyclopedia for nutrition and holistic medicine. While I had my years of rebellion, I think she sowed many of the naturopathic seeds that are now starting to mature in my life. I had first read about Tibetan Medicine about 8 years ago, but didn’t get the opportunity to experience it firsthand until I was living in Boulder in 2010. I was suffering from a rather debilitating chronic gastrointestinal disorder and kept coming up short with allopathic doctors, so I finally made an appointment with Dr. Nashalla Gwyn-Nyinda (a graduate of SSI’s program). I was immediately impressed by her expertise, and after about a week of treatment, I literally felt better than I had in years. I already had faith-based trust in the healing system, but experiencing the real efficacy of the medicine was a bit surprising. She remains my primary physician, and I have sent about a dozen friends and family to see her, as well. Seeing how much corruption exists in our medical and pharmaceutical industries, and seeing how much people are craving an alternative solution to their health woes, I think that now is the perfect time for Tibetan Medicine to really spread in the west. And with my existing connection to the teachings of Namkhai Norbu Rinpoche, finding a home at Shang Shung seems very natural. I am so immensely grateful to Rinpoche, Gen Phuntsog Wangmo, and all those who have helped make this program a reality.
Can you talk about how knowledge of the Teachings influences your life?
I went through a fair deal of difficulty through my adolescent years. I came out of the closet when I was 14, and was met with anything but ease and acceptance. I was bullied, beaten up, ridiculed, had death threats against me, was followed home on a regular basis, etc. I even had to get the cops involved a few times. While being bullied was something I had always been accustomed to, being gay made it a culturally sanctioned activity. Even the parents of my bullies would talk about how unusual, non-athletic or effeminate I was. I went through three different middle schools, leaving one of them after having a beehive placed in my desk, all because I was perceived as being a "faggot" (despite the fact that I was still completely ignorant to my own sexual orientation). I felt like I was unclean. An abomination. It was around this time that Buddhism came into my life. The Four Noble Truths were quite easy for me to relate to, but the concept of innate Buddha-nature was a total paradigm shift. It’s that shift from original sin to primordial purity that really helped me get through my own self-loathing. Buddhist meditation gave me the skills to control my own mind, and to confront the anger and fear that had arisen out of a lifetime of harassment. I had the opportunity to really internalize that age-old cliché that “hurt people hurt people,” and to realize that my own bullies were only acting from a place of suffering. Lama Tsultrim’s “Feeding Your Demons” process (then called “Cutting Through Fear”) was probably the most life-changing practice that I encountered in my early Buddhist years. Working with the darkness and pain directly instead of suppressing it allowed me to grow and benefit from my experiences, instead of becoming a prisoner to my own self-pity. It sounds painfully dramatic, but I’m not sure if I would still be alive if I hadn’t met the teachings when I did.
What are some of your future "plans" if any?
A lot is up in the air at the moment. I am planning on relocating from Los Angeles (where I currently live with my partner and my dog) within the somewhat-near future, but the next location is still TBD. My only “definite” future plans are finishing the Tibetan Medicine program (and continuing on to any post-graduate programs that SSI develops), and eventually opening up a clinic. Many Thanks--Jacqueline.
A talented performer--Here is Erik's "dharmatized" birthday greeting to his teacher, Lama Tsultrim
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